This week has been pretty good as far as sticking to my eating and staying in my calorie range, AND doing it the way I'm supposed to... drinking no sooner than 30 mins after a meal, protein and produce exclusively for main meals, lots of drinking no calorie beverages, and getting exercise in EVERY day.
Today I had apple & peanut butter for breakfast. It took a while to eat, but I did get it all down. I also had some yogurt this morning. A few cups of tea, some crystal light. Last night I made some really delicious scallops for dinner...garlic, herbs de provence, butter and white wine. They are the tiny bay scallops, so they were already perfectly "me" bite sized. I think I waited too long to eat because I wanted to SNARF that food down. I paid the price for it too. Let's just say I didn't get to keep my lunch down. I think I kept a little down, but it's hard to be sure. Last night I had problems with the last bite of steamed broccoli I had. It caused me to lose all my veggies. I NEED THOSE THINGS DAMMIT! So I had some warm hot chocolate and assumed the "I'm not going to throw anything else up" stance. (which requires I slouch WAY down in my chair almost to the point of lying down, and breathing slowly to try to get the food to dislodge and go on its merry way to my stomach)
Don't know why I am tight today. I am tired for sure. Maybe that's all it takes- get tired enough and my system gets altered /inflamed. I am stressed a little bit about two of my coworkers leaving in the span of 2 weeks. They found better adventures. The stress there is made up of excitement for them and their new lives, a sense of impending doom as attrition keeps us from hiring replacements for them, and the redistribution of work that will have to happen as a result. And WE ARE AT CAPACITY! But I can only do what I can do. No sense in stressing it.
I am really on high-alert internally to make sure I stay WITH myself regarding food. I have rededicated to training for another 5K and I went for my first run last night since maybe October. It's NOT pretty. I am SO out of shape. I used to be able to knock out 3 miles like it was nothing, but I had to run/walk 1.5 miles last night and today I am FEELING it. I feel ashamed for letting myself slip on this. I feel horrified that I have taken a 30 lb step backward in my progress. Realizing that THIS is my reality, not the la-la-land that I have been living in over the holidays is a shock to my ego and my system I think. Hence the high-alert.
So after PBing last night, and PBing not 20 minutes ago, I realize that it is EXHAUSTING having to do that with my food. I mean I am literally WORN out after I regurgitate. Part of it is trying to feed my body and not being able to... and part of it is just the terrible stress that it creates for me internally. Everytime I PB, I am not achieving my goals to get on track.
I think once I get back into my groove and working out and regulating my food intake goes back to being "just the way I roll", I will feel more relaxed, more trusting of myself, and more in control of myself.
INHALE
EXHALE
This is all I can do now. Stay with the breath.
xo
j
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