The lapband is working great. Still satisfied with small portions, haven't had an additional fill since 1-26 (I think) and am cruising along fine. This past week the band has been SUPER tight though. It's been really hard to gauge what I can and can't tolerate. Much to my surprise I couldn't tolerate a poppy seed muffin on friday, or broccoli or scrambled eggs this weekend. I did fine with grilled porkchops cut into tiny little toddler-size bites, though. Also, just waking up in the morning, I feel tight- so having something hot to drink first thing feels really good.
These past couple weeks have been rough as far as getting the right things to eat. I have been sick with kidney stones, have been dealing with emotional turmoil of my marriage on the rocks, and have been super busy between classes, plans with friends, etc. I'm not always making the right choices as far as food goes. I have also been falling back into medicating with food in the evenings. I am going to address this with my therapist this week. I need to find a new comforting strategy. On Friday I had a major backslide into my old crappy food behaviors. I stopped at QFC and bought just shit- I bought a small package of Pepperidge Farm raspberry shortbread cookies, I bought a small bag of cheddar corn, I bought a 3-musketeers bar, and a tube of pringles. I don't even remember why I stopped in the first place. I think it might have been to get toilet paper, actually. But I ended up buying all this shit, going home and eating a little of everything. I was SO uncomfortable- felt SO sick, and was SO disappointed in myself. I guess they never surgically removed my tendency to comfort myself with food. That behavior is still in there. I guess the best I can do is remember that it's okay to buy myself some of that food once in a while, but never more than one or two items- and I'm only allowed to eat it after I have worked out- so that my appetite is dimmed as much as possible. There has to be a way to control this. I have made SO much progress- I will not let this beat me.
These past few weeks, I haven't been bringing my lunch to work. I have been subsisting on the innards from gyros (that are too expensive and too big- I always end up tossing half of it), tomato soup from Nordstrom Cafe, or salads from Courthouse Cafe. I am also not getting breakfast as often as I should be. I had vegetable quiche from the little italian coffee shop two times this past week- and those pastry shells are just LOADED with fat and carbs. My goal is to bring SOMETHING I can pass off as breakfast every day this week. I think I can do it as my stock stands in the kitchen tonight. I have some salmon spread that I can eat on crispbreads, I have bananas, apples & peanut butter, some yogurt, and I can always whip up some oatmeal. I feel like I need to get back to the basics.
Well, other than that, life is good. I am packing up my old work clothes that are still in excellent shape and I am mailing them off to my bff Valerie. I know she can get good use of them. It will be like christmas! I am sending off something like 4 boxes. Enjoy sweet girl!
To bed with me now.
xo
jenepher
