Well, Halloween party frenzy behind me, and the perfect storm of goodies, cakes, cookies and cocktails all around me mostly gone, I began the week with a new-found sense of optimism. I did a "clearing" of the house, banishing all the evil spirits a.k.a. JUNKFOOD from the house...taking them to work to fatten up those around me. I ran/ walked 3 miles Monday night and felt good about it. I talked to my cohabitators about some of my habits and how they might be changing (maybe spending more time alone and listening to my needs- nurturing myself in ways other than food)- and how it was not because of them, but because of my needs. I received good support. I was firmly pointed in the right direction. My path plotted. My journey continuing.
Then I went to Starbucks yesterday morning.
I didn't fall off the wagon and order 3 apple fritters and a venti breve chocolate chip frappuccino with extra whipped cream (which I would say is typically the most hazardous danger in going to Starbucks). No, I ordered a tall skinny hazelnut latte. I also ordered a grande skinny caramel latte for my boss (not an ass-kissing thing, just a reciprocal circle we are in). I got my drinks after wading through the masses of finely-coiffed women posing in impossibly high, uncomfortable shoes and huddled in their tight cliques, dodging zombie-like men and women all completely entranced by their iPhones, I pranced merrily up the stairs back to work...when I fell UP the STAIRS in the Starbucks.
I plunged knee-first onto the concrete stairs, then onto my hands and nearly my face. It felt as if time had stopped. It seemed like the happy singing of Ella Fitzgerald ceased, and the baristas suddenly quit steaming their milk, while the entire 35 people in Starbucks all stopped talking and looked at me. My back was to them, so all they saw was me splayed out on the stairs. Then, just like in the movies, everything continued as it was- music resumed, milk steaming continued, jabbering and talking again filled the air. I heard one person say, "oh my gosh, are you okay?" and I managed to mumble "yes, just a bruised ego".
My boss's drink went flying, mine was in my personal mug, sealed up, so no spillage there. The manager came to my aid, taking the empty latte cup and assuring me they'd replace the drink, and was I sure I was okay? An employee came with a mop and cleaned up the mess. All the while, I still didn't have the guts to turn and face the crowd of people. Finally I realized that my knee hurt. A LOT. Enough that I wanted to start crying like a 4 year old who has a boo-boo. Enough that while I awaited my drink replacement, I had to grip on to the railings of the stairs just to keep from falling again from shaking-as I navigated my way up the stairs slowly and out the door.
I limped the block and a half back to work and got myself back to my desk. I sat down. I rolled up my pant leg, and I saw a huge purple dent where my knee had struck the step, and a gigantic goose-egg forming up around it. A coworked fetched me some ice and I put my leg up. As I sat there, trying to breathe through the pain, I realized that if I was just bruised, or it was just a minor owee- the adrenaline would have kicked in by now, numbing the pain a little. Well, it just got worse. I tried to work and ignore it, but the shaking made it hard for me to control my mouse. I finally gave in and called boyfriend to come get me and take me to the doctor.
He came, we went, had xrays and discovered thankfully, that nothing was chipped or broken, and that I had just severely traumatized the tendon that attaches all my thigh muscles to all my lower leg muscles. The doctor said, painkillers, crutches for two days, and if it doesn't get better within that timeframe, come back. We went home, I was drugged up, slept for 3 hours, got up, ate some couscous, watched TV, fell asleep, watched more TV with boyfriend, went to bed.
So here I am. Feeling pretty good today. I graduated from the crutches this morning- that's how quickly things have healed. Now just a limp and half a painkiller to get me in a good place. Tomorrow I go back to work and I will start walking during my breaks to make sure I don't stiffen up. Hopefully, I will be able to resume my training for my next 5K next week. Till then, walking each night, or elliptical each night. Yesterday's eating went well as far as calories go... not so well as far as what i could keep down. Meds and this accident were enough to make me unusually tight.
This morning I am working from home. I have had a couple cups of coffee, I tried eating some Fiber One Cereal- which reminds me of Guinea Pig droppings- YUCK. They weren't too awful tasting, but they weren't going down either. So I drank the milk, tossed the cereal. Drinking tea now and hoping I can get this banana down. My other goal today is to make sure I don't bow to the call of the fridge. I don't have a LOT to do for work. I have laid out my newsletter and realized I don't have any of the pieces I need to work on a new mailing series we are doing next year. So I'm kind of done for the day. My plan is to keep checking my work emails, and getting up every so often to walk around so I don't stiffen up too much.
I don't know what to take from this experience other than be careful going up the stairs. There's no karmic connection, no hidden message here. Just a life happening. And I have to carry on with keeping to what's most important. I am grateful that most of the shitty food is out of the house so I am not tempted to eat it. That helps.
Okay, I have reached the blathering stage. Time to quit writing.
Back to reality... or rather, ON with reality.
J
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